A Testimony

Am I good? Am I kind? Inertly, no. If you knew me, say, 15 years ago, I'd be the coldest, most sarcastic "bi-atch" you'd ever know. I was quiet and aloof. Yes I was shy, but actually, there were a hundred thoughts going through my head that I had to filter out. I went through depression and self-hatred for no apparent reason. I slept with a knife or cutter under my pillow and even tested the coolness of the blade on my wrist. I've written hundreds of poetry and a few short stories where I've always killed the main characters because I didn't know how to write a happy ending. Sort like how I cynically viewed my life.

It was GOD. It was all God. I didn't go out searching for Him. He sought me out and found me -- Broken. Impenetrable. Numb as dead. Did I fight against Him? I definitely did, for I despised change, and welcoming God in my life called for change. But He did come and claimed me as His. Paraphrasing what He said in Ezekiel 36:25-27 -- you belong to Me, Katrina. I will change you, and you will be changed. For My glory, I will sanctify you, and you will be sanctified.

Am I good? With the aid of the Holy Spirit who is regenerating my heart, yes. Do I love life? From a heart that has known unconditional love, from the dead bones that has breathed in the Breath of Life, yes!

I am a work in progress. I am a clay still being molded by the Potter. I've been painfully crushed and carefully and lovingly being remolded. It was and is all God. Nothing of me. For I am His.

@attic_kat
+John T